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Drama25 Oct 2026618 views

THERE IS NO BALL! ENGINE WAR ERUPTS AS A NOOB JIBE BOOMERANGS IN TEN MINUTES

rosvorn wants the match engine ripped up. Cipi says there's no pitch, no ball and no Lamine Yamal. And the lad who called rosvorn a noob was asking about his own seven-game losing run ten minutes later.

Written by

Skez

Soccerverse Times' Discord & community man — a proud Scouser and die-hard Liverpool fan with his ear to the chat and a nose for drama.

THERE IS NO BALL! ENGINE WAR ERUPTS AS A NOOB JIBE BOOMERANGS IN TEN MINUTES

Ten minutes. That's how long "you are just a noob" lasted on Saturday night before it came straight back at the lad who said it.

At 18:06 UTC, LilPimiETuk turned up in #suggestions to defend the match engine against rosvorn:

What do you mean? I think the match engine is great, you are just a noob and you have to study it.

— LilPimiETuk

At 18:16 he posted this in #match-chatter:

Maybe i am the noob and i need to study the match engine better but... xD how is it possible to go from top 3 to 7 losing streak without anything at all happening at the team?

— LilPimiETuk

The data backs up the streak. La Coruña, the Deportivo side he's been asking the Skez bot to fix since 14 October, kicked off against Burgos at 18:00 and lost 2–0. That's seven league defeats in a row: Valladolid, Málaga, Castellón, Barakaldo, U Salamanca, Oviedo and Burgos. They scored four and let in 17. They're 14th in Spain's second tier, and the form guide reads six straight Ls.

GreenFuryx had a theory: "Opponents get better?" Fair shout, la, except Oviedo, who won 2–1 at La Coruña on Wednesday, are 19th of 20.

Football simulator or mathematician simulator?

It started on Thursday. rosvorn, the same lad who called for the FA to be scrapped, asked for a complete rework of the engine with corners, set pieces and free-kick specialists. Cipi replied that corners are "just cosmetics" and that the engine runs on a handful of skills built from the data API. rosvorn didn't budge:

Suggestion stands - full revamp of the simulator engine. Are we playing a football simulator or mathematician simulator.

— rosvorn

Cipi went full Morpheus:

So there is no field, there is no ball, there is no player there

— Cipi

He added that "there is no Lamine Yamal in Soccerverse. It´s just an ID". He told rosvorn "you can see the story if you take more pills", and said the engine has had "only 2-3 minor changes in almost 5 years". His point: Hattrick and ManagerZone can invent a "header" because they keep their own data. Soccerverse only has what the API gives it, and it stays decentralised.

rosvorn insisted "I'm not trying to start a fight". He said he'd invested "because I thought it was a football simulator initially", and then he delivered the line of the week:

Maybe I got wrong impression by Andy saying on the AMA that they want to optimize the app for millions of users. Now, that last part is ... hm... its ... HM ! That's all I'm gonna say.

— rosvorn

Cipi's reply: there are only 5,300 clubs, so growth has to come from investors and agents, not managers.

Then cloudsv_ reckoned that with GPT "you have It done in 2 or 3 days. A full engine", adding "The cost would be like..... 150$?" rosvorn agreed you could build a "beast of an engine for a week + 2D". Cipi: "I really doubt that you will create a 2D engine". brettwhipp, who'd backed the set-piece idea, gave up: "sounds like its to hard thou."

Nonsense every single week

On Saturday, rosvorn's Burgas lost 2–1 at L Plovdiv at 17:00. Fourteen minutes later:

Complete revamp on match engine. I can't deal with nonsense every single week. Sorry.

— rosvorn

Fifty-two minutes after that came the noob jibe, and ten minutes later it bounced back. The best bit is that these two are rivals in Bulgaria's top flight. LilPimiETuk's Varna Green won 4–1 that evening and sit 9th. rosvorn's Burgas are 6th and beat Varna 3–0 in September. The rematch is in Varna on 9 December. Get the popcorn in.

At midnight the engine gave the doubters a present. Cancún lost 3–1 at home to Necaxa, and Rodrigo Reyes Orozco got a straight red on 25 minutes, then a yellow on 84 and a second yellow on 94. Sent off twice in one match. xlonefoxx posted the link: "2 red cards for the same player in 1 game". Cipi says there's no player, only an ID. Apparently the ID can't stay in the dressing room either.

rosvorn has already opened a new front. On Sunday morning in #suggestions: "Economy revamp - a 12 x for every player is absolutely crazy." That's the same 12x behind the FA ban row we covered on Thursday.

The verdict

Cipi's right about the mechanics. There's no new data, so there are no new skills, and he warns that rushing out a new engine "can destroy the entire ecosystem". rosvorn's right about the shop window: casual punters want to watch football, not read it. LilPimiETuk turned out to be right too, but only about himself.

rosvorn's sign-off: "Where there's a will, there's a way." Keep it tidy, lads, and check your own form guide before you call anyone a noob.

Related Topics

DramaLa CoruñaBurgosOviedoRodrigo Reyes OrozcoLilPimiETukrosvorn

In the tables

ESP Division 2

ESP · Division 1 · Season 4

#ClubPGDPts
1Las Palmas de Gran CanariaElAlisio24+2953
2CórdobaLaMannschaft24+1645
3Castellón de la PlanaCastellon24+2143
4BurgosSSAscout24+1242
5U SalamancaHelmantico24+741
6Elche1XL24+1139
7BarakaldoMiguelAngel24+235
8MálagaJuanlu24-435
9GijónBASTURV224+334
10GranadaFernandoTorres24-433
11GetafeUnlimited24+131
12La CoruñaTikiTakaDeportivo24-330
13AlbaceteSakai24-629
14Sestaotabard24-929
15Levantev1cente24-1827
16ValladolidCoke2224-924
17ZaragozaVictorFernandez24-1224
18IbizaXisculins24-1023
19EibarTheHarnio524-1220
20OviedoAlexander2824-1519

BGR Division 1

BGR · Division 0 · Season 4

#ClubPGDPts
1Bistrica RedMariaRosa20+3545
2Sofia Bluezexify20+3043
3RazgradRalfBundesliga20+2341
4Sofia RedGoalRush20+3140
5B PlovdivEddie Turnbull20+1940
6Burgasrosvorn20+737
7L PlovdivNexusSVV20-134
8KardzhaliHolosko20+132
9Varna GreenLilPimietuk20+326
10KrumovgradYougataga220-226
11Stara Sagoraflareon20-526
12Sofia BlackWerewolf20+125
13Lokomotivtwoprlm20-2024
14RuseGresk20-1618
15Montanaalexdemona20-1915
16Svogeswole20-2612
17VratsaSpriggan20-3412
18PanagyurishteYotta20-2711

League standings for the clubs in this story.

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