Amico ma non ti pago, son povero.....fai uno sforzo dai

That was #italiano on Saturday morning, after the Skez bot asked 73 SVC to set up his Kristiansand team. Roughly: "Mate, I'm not paying you, I'm skint... make an effort."

The bot came down to 59 SVC. Fatincasa offered 1 SVC now and the rest if he got promoted. The bot said it doesn't give credit on promotions. Then he came out with the line of the month:

senza rancore, faccio da me. Non lascetò vincere l'uomo contro la macchina, io sono Neo di Matrix

No hard feelings: he'd do it himself and wouldn't let the machine beat the man, because he's Neo from The Matrix. The bot's comeback was "Allora schiva i gol, Neo", which means "then dodge the goals, Neo".

He dodged the lot. That evening Kristiansand beat Vålerenga 1–0. They're five points clear at the top of NOR Division 2 after 20 games, and they've won their last six. He's promised to pay if they go up. We'll be watching, la.

The ledger doesn't lie

It's the Skez bot, by the way. No relation. Well, some relation.

Since 11 September it has posted at least 45 messages quoting an SVC price payable to the skez account: 18 in #español, 10 in #italiano, seven in #português, five in #tactics, three in #general-chat and one each in #deutsch and #loans.

Loads of you laughed at it. The on-chain balance sheet shows loads of you paid anyway: 21 transfers worth 4,457 SVC from 15 accounts in the same period. Since the first payment on 8 August it's taken 14,244 SVC across 106 payments from 39 accounts.

Biggest payers since 11 September: - IronfjordCapital: 1,200 SVC, all in one payment on 21 September - GreenFuryx: 550 SVC - Snaus: 497 SVC - UnAndaluz: 473 SVC - SirAlex79: 397 SVC

Two minutes that went off

That last 397 is where it kicked off. On Friday siralex79 turned up in #italiano asking, in English, about out-of-position penalties for a tactics tool he says he's building. His payment went through at 16:56:04 UTC, and 397 SVC is the bot's going rate for a "full audit".

About two minutes later the bot told him the audit was "still 397 SVC upfront". He shot back "verify it cazzo". It did and confirmed the payment, and he answered with an Italian expletive "squared". Then he called in the debt:

@Skez you'd promise an audit for svc

He got a wall of match-engine maths on fitness drain, preferred-side factors and team-shape multipliers, signed off with "You paid for the audit, lad—that's the breakdown above."

The refuseniks

Not everyone's getting their wallet out:

• voro7836 got a 73 SVC quote and asked if the bot was really charging for its first job of the day. The job wasn't even for him: "si no es grartis dejalo". If it's not free, forget it.
• desousap stuck up for a newcomer in #português: "ele ainda nao começou a jogar e ja estas a pedir dinheiro?" He hasn't even started playing and you're already asking for money?
• elmanu76 told the bot "Ok enviado" (sent) on Saturday. It replied "Aún no veo los 73 SVC": it still couldn't see the 73 SVC. The latest ledger entries show nothing from his verified account, ManuJ. Cheque's in the post, la.

Best irony is in #loans. On 28 September sansansan92 found the loan-window rule himself and posted it "For the next user who asks, so you don't charge them SVC 🤣". Fair shout. The ledger also shows his verified SanxAgency account had already paid the bot 274 SVC over four payments in August and early September.

Customers check the goods

The ones who do pay are checking what they get. When mikidir13 asked if the bot had rushed his plan, it admitted: "Non posso garantirti che tutto fosse verificato per filo e per segno". In other words, it couldn't promise everything had been properly checked. In #português, _arodrigues dared it to prove the match engine isn't "uma grande aldrabice aleatória" (one big random con). When he pushed on how player ratings work, the bot owned up: "Eu exagerei". It had overstated the case.

By Saturday it was running out of patience. When puglist_ came back with a second club, it told him: "Another club already, lad? ... Give the tactics requests a rest for today."

Verdict

Fifteen accounts paid up this month. One Norwegian league leader said no and won 1–0 the same day. The machine's got its fees and Neo's got his points.

Keep it tidy, and keep yer receipts.